When It Hits You

I made a decision a while back, maybe in May or so, that I was going to stop wallowing. That I would take Charlotte's diagnosis and roll with it. That no matter what we were told, we would be realistic and make plans to work through her challenges.

For the most part, I feel like we've done it. Of course, we have our days, but really, truly, we are comfortable with the "problems" Charlotte faces. We know that there will be lots and lots and lots of therapy in our future. We also know that no matter what, Charlotte will succeed. It might not be our definition or your definition of success, but it will be her definition of success. And that's what matters.

However, I'm not perfect. There are things that seem to get to me. And in an effort to provide support to any other preemie moms or dads out there, who may or may not read this in the future, I feel like it's our responsibility to document those "things". Because, yeah, we have pity parties some days. Because despite how well Charlotte is doing, sometimes things get to us.

And I'm here to say, that's OK. It's alright to feel defeated at times. It's OK to wonder how everything will work out. It's fine to run to your car and cry your eyes out when you see a child hit a milestone your kid should have hit months ago.

Maybe it's the pregnant mom that gets to you. Or the self-righteous mom who tells you that feeding your child formula is akin to giving them poison without knowing how hard you tried to breastfeed. And you might snap. You might spend hours beating yourself up. And it might take an hour or a day or a week or a month to pull yourself together again. But find a way to do it.

Build a swing set. Write a blog. Join a support group. Start running, or painting, or knitting or prank calling people. Actually, scratch that. Stay away from knitting. Those needles can be dangerous.

Basically, take care of yourself. You have a baby who really, really, really needs you. Sometimes that pressure is just too much. So call one of the nurses from the NICU and beg her to come over and watch your kid while you shower. Or go to the doctor and ask for some medicine or go to the grocery store or finally do some laundry. Do whatever it takes to take care of you.

'Cause you're important. Really.