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Monday, July 19, 2010

This One Is For Caleb, That One Is For Charlotte

I have a necklace I wear frequently. It's a simple white gold chain from which hang two of my most "prized" possessions.

One, a blue topaz jewel (December birthstone), was given to me by Peter, right as I held Caleb in my arms for the first time. It was a true surprise, made and planned with love and true admiration.

That one is for Caleb.

The other, a silver pendant, was given to me by a close friend of Peter's. On it are Charlotte's initials. It was waiting for me when I came home from the hospital; the day I left my baby and came home. It was one of the kindest gestures anyone made, so simple, so quiet, made without fanfare.

That one is for Charlotte.

Caleb loves to play with them while I'm holding him. He'll pick them up and finger them with his chubby little toddler hands and in a toddler way, give possession to each one. "That one is for Caleb," he declares with pride. "That one is for Charlotte," he mentions with love, and slight confusion.

This weekend, we packed our things and went down to see Daddy. Daddy has been in Portsmouth, Virginia for two weeks, and Caleb has missed him dearly. Every time we'd get in a car, or make a phone call or greet a visitor, Caleb was sure that Daddy was the intended recipient. His disappointment that Daddy was still gone broke my heart.

It was hard to say goodbye to our girl, especially as she's getting bigger and bigger. We're getting to a point where I can meet many of her needs now, and it feels wonderful. Like I have a purpose-- finally.

We've never gone anywhere much more than 2 hours away since she was born. I felt like I was being torn in two, mile by mile as I drove down.

But you know what?

Those weekends, those weekends spent in the hospital, by her bedside, those were for Charlotte.

This weekend, this weekend with just Momma and Daddy, this was for Caleb.


  1. Amanda, your strength never ceases to amaze me.

  2. I can't imagine doing what your family is doing. You are all in my prayers daily.

  3. i think that is the absolute hardest balance to find with a kiddo in the hospital and one at home. i give you a gold star and a huge high fives on this one. you need time too. so glad you were able to fill your bucket. admire you, yes yes i do.

  4. You tug at my heartstrings,dear girl! Good choices! You all deserve "one for you". Looking forward to seeing you at the end of the month. Hugs-a-plenty :0)