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Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Last Time

Dear Charlotte-
I woke up this morning knowing that this was the last time I would get ready and head into the NICU. It's the last time I will have to call Chester County to see how you are doing.

It's the last time I'll be able to take a shower without checking on you, the last time I'll be able to make breakfast without feeding you first, the last time I'll wake up and not have my daughter downstairs.

Of course, we recognize that there may possibly be more hospital stays in your future. We hope not, but we know its a possibility. But when those hospital stays happen, I'll be able to tell the intake coordinator, "She lives at home."

It's the sweetest sentence that has ever been written.

This morning is the last time you won't be living at home.

I wish I could write to you to help you understand what that means to me. But, baby girl, there just are not words for this kind of emotion. Love. Excitement. Anxious. They all skirt around the bigger picture. And maybe it's because it's more about "firsts" than it is about "lasts."

This afternoon will be the first time I bring my daughter home. The first time my husband, my son and my daughter will all be under one roof.

The first time for the beginning of everything.

Little girl, have a good last morning in the NICU. Get your goodbyes in. Tell them how much you love them, how much they mean to us.

And then get ready.

Today is also your first day home.



  1. just so you know, i'm in tears. enjoy every second my friend.

  2. How beautiful...This is so wonderful and inspiring. It is a beautiful story and I can't wait to hear about this miracle child at home.

  3. You made it Charlotte--you beat the odds! I don't think there is another Mommy on the planet that will be as happy as yours is today. Welcome home!

  4. Congratulations on Charlotte's homecoming. This post brought tears to my eyes. I look forward to continuing to hear about Charlotte's progress at home and how thrilled her brother is that she is finally home. You've been on a long journey and have faced it with so much grace. Thank you for sharing it with us. As I have said before, your words have helped me process and move beyond our 114 days in the NICU earlier this year. Thank you! All of my prayers are with you today as you bring baby girl into your loving home.

  5. That made me cry. I am so happy for all of you that Charlotte will be home. You are an amazing Mother and you are so strong. If I can ever help you in anyway please do not hesitate to ask.

  6. Congratulations Amanda! That's so great!

  7. I have been following your blog since your dear Charlotte was born. Congratulations!!!! I remember when my son came home from his 5 month stay in the NICU (he was a micropreemie born at 25 weeks), it was just life changing.
    What a wonderful day for you and your family!!! :)

  8. happy homecoming!! i'm crying just reading this - and just thinking about what's going on at your house today!!

  9. amanda - i cried at this post. you can just tell your excitement just from how this is worded. congrats to charlotte, caleb, peter and yourself. you guys deserve it so very much!

  10. Try to get footprints from today-- I always think of Eloise as having 2 births-- the day she was born and the day she came home. I treasure the footprints I have from both days! Congratulations AGAIN!

  11. Congratulations. I am so excited for Charlotte. Remember...we are only an e-mail away if you have any questions!!!